


Text to Cope (He's my stars and my sky)

by merpwrites



Series: Habits/Text to Cope [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alcohol, FHot7 if you squint and stand on your head, Kissing, M/M, Runntag if you squint, a general neglect to take care of onesself, nothing super bad tho I promise, sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 11:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4786412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merpwrites/pseuds/merpwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Adam stood on the street corner and it started to rain, he told himself it was just a stupid little fight, and he would come back in a few hours to see his boyfriend splayed out in the center of their bed, he would tuck James in and go to sleep on the couch, and they would discuss things calmly and rationally over breakfast, and everything would be okay.</p>
<p>Instead, Adam came home to a dark and empty apartment. </p>
<p>(This is written in Adam's POV and is the companion piece to the fic "Habits". They can be read in any order).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Text to Cope (He's my stars and my sky)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the companion fic to "Habits", which is written in James' POV. Don't worry, they can be read interchangeably, even though "Habits" was written first.
> 
> Please note that the guys don't work together at Funhaus in this fic! Some of them work together, some of them work in other places, it's super ambiguous but also kind of critical to the story to know that they don't all work together.
> 
> Enjoy!

Adam didn’t know how it happened.

One moment, him and James were having a perfectly normal conversation about life on a Thursday night, and the next they were in each other’s faces, screaming at the top of their lungs, red-faced and wildly gesticulating, fighting in a manner they never had before, and then –

_Maybe I should just leave, then!_ Was spat into his face. Adam physically recoiled, shocked at the words that had just left James’ mouth for only a moment before rage curled deep in his gut.

“Yeah. Yeah, James, I think you should leave.” The words were out before Adam could fully register what he said, and then he was out – out the door, out of the building, out of the relationship.

As Adam stood on the street corner and it started to rain, he told himself it was just a stupid little fight, and he would come back in a few hours to see his boyfriend splayed out in the center of their bed, he would tuck James in and go sleep on the couch, and they would discuss things calmly and rationally over breakfast, and everything would be okay.

Instead, Adam came home to a dark and empty apartment.

For the first few minutes, he was too preoccupied trying to not get the water coming off him in spades all over the floor –  _James hates when the floor’s dirty_ – but when he had his sopping-wet clothes contained to the mat at the front door and tread into the bathroom for a towel to bundle them into, he immediately noticed the distinct lack of James’ toothbrush.

In fact, James’ razor was gone, too. And his shampoo. And the hamper had about half the amount of clothes in it than Adam knew was in there that morning.

A lump caught in Adam’s throat, solid and full of dread, and as he took more and more steps closer to the bedroom his limbs felt heavier and the dread spread from the base of his throat to pool in his stomach.

_Just push open the door, Kovic,_ Adam told himself  _He could’ve gone to Bruce’s to cool off. He probably did that. Yeah, that’s what he did._

The bedroom was a mess.

The sheets were half-off the bed, one of the pillows was missing, and clothes were strewn about the floor – Adam’s things. Not broken, or damaged, but thrown in the way that someone in a hurry would throw things to get to what they needed.

“No. No, no, no. No, this can’t be happening.” Adam broke into a frenzy, running through the apartment and tearing it apart, looking for any sign of James, a shoe or a game or a loose flash drive, but there was nothing. In the hours that Adam was gone, James had packed all his things and left.

Really, truly, left.

Adam sunk to the floor and felt his body wrack with sobs that he couldn’t hear, looking into middle distance with tear-filled eyes that couldn’t see, couldn’t focus. Too stuck in his own head. Too busy letting out a wet and unintelligible chanting of no, no,  _no._

He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep like that, but the apartment was still dark when he regained consciousness. Adam bolted upright and ignored the dizziness that came with the movement to rush to his phone, to check to see if James had called –

**_No new messages._ **

Adam went to James’ contact information with shaky fingers, missing the call button multiple times before his thumb finally connected to the screen correctly. It rang, and rang, and rang, and then –

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

“James, James baby, please call me back – I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean – we were in an argument and I got scared and then I got angry and – I’m so sorry. Please call me back.”

The second time Adam tried to call James, about thirty minutes later, it went straight to voicemail.

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

“James please, answer your phone, I want to talk about this, I made a mistake. We can even text if you want to, just please talk to me.”

Adam waited another hour before sending the first text:

**_Adam:_ ** _I’m so sorry  
_ **[Sent: 3:32:02AM, 08/07]**

**_Adam:_ ** _Please talk to me.  
_ **[Sent: 4:07:42AM, 08/07]**

Adam stared at his phone screen for so long his eyes started to burn.

“It’s late, James is probably asleep. He’ll answer me later, it would be ridiculous if he was up now.” Adam said aloud, convincing nobody, and settled into the couch cushions for a nap – a few more hours wouldn’t hurt. He dreamt of James’ citrus skin and honey lips and sky-blue eyes.

* * *

When Adam woke up next, it was 7:32 AM and he still had no new messages.

**_Adam:_ ** _I made a mistake  
_ **[Sent: 7:33:05 AM, 08/07]**

**_Adam:_ ** _I was angry and I took it out on you I’m sorry I didn’t mean it  
_ **[Sent: 7:33:55 AM, 08/07]**

At 8:05 AM, Adam did the only thing he could think of – call Matt.

* * *

“So, can you explain to me exactly what happened?” Matt asked over lunch, calmly eating his soup in the chair across from Adam’s desk while Adam jabbed his fork into his salad.

“I don’t – I don’t know, man. We were yelling about something and then – then he suggested he should leave and I – I was so  _shocked_ he would even say that, that that thought had crossed his mind, that I got angry and – what – shit, what if I had been holding him back this whole time? What if he really did think that way and was just waiting for a good time to leave? Or he was too nice to let me go when I’m so desperately, obnoxiously, wholly in love with him? What if –“

“Adam,” Matt cut in, tone as calm and level as ever, “what did you  _say_ next?”

“I think – I agreed with him, then I walked out because I was angry and he was angry and I figured if I gave him a couple hours to himself we’d both calm down enough to talk like normal humans, but.”

“But?”

“I came home and all of his stuff was gone. He won’t answer his phone. I – I fucked up, Peake. I fucked up  _so fucking bad_.”

Matt nodded, “Not gonna argue with you on that one, buddy. But you’re still upset, right? That means that James is probably upset, too. You need to give him some time to breathe, collect his thoughts – just like you’re doing here, now, with me. He may not  _want_ to talk to you just yet.”

Adam dropped his face into his hands, “I know. I just want to make it better. I love him, Matt, he’s my sky and my stars. And right now he doesn’t think I think that way anymore.” He said, voiced muffled by his hands and the growing lump in his throat.

“I know that, but we also both know he needs time. It’ll work out, life’s just got a funny way of doing things.”

Matt insisted on Adam staying with him that night. He said it was so that they could play shitty video games and watch even shittier movies to get Adam’s mind off of things. Really it was because he was concerned about his friend’s health if left to his own devices – just because Adam’s eyes were dry didn’t mean he was feeling any less distraught.

* * *

**_No new messages._ **

Adam had tried not to look at his phone, but by the time he was back in his apartment, alone, and Matt wasn’t there to distract him, he couldn’t  _not_ look.

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 9:00:33 AM, 08/08]**

If Adam spent the day drinking and playing Destiny, trying to forget bright blue eyes and the taste of honey and a smile that rivaled the brightest stars in the sky, well, that was his choice.

And if he couldn’t bring himself to sleep in his own bed, and spent most of the night staring at his living room ceiling from his position on the couch, a phantom weight on his left side – nobody else was going to know.

* * *

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 5:21:22 AM, 08/09]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_  

“James, please –“

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 8:54:01 PM, 08/09]**

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 12:33:34 AM, 08/10]**

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 6:42:17 AM, 08/10]**

When Adam walked into work later that Monday morning, after another fitful night of half-sleep on the couch, he threw his phone into the bottom drawer of his desk and locked it, then chucked the keys across the room so they landed in his fake-plant by the window.

If James was going to purposely ignore him, then two could play that game.

* * *

It lasted three days.

Three days of completely immersing himself in his work. Adam was a machine that rivaled even Peake’s work ethic – but, unlike Peake, he may or may not be running on roughly two hours of sleep and two-and-a-half meals over the course of those three days. Adam would toss and turn on the couch –  _not the bed, never the bed_ – until it was unbearable, make himself some coffee, get into work early enough that not even the security guards were there yet, and work until the janitorial staff kicked him out.

On the fourth day, Thursday, Joel came into his office and pulled Adam’s chair back, spinning him around so he wasn’t facing his computer anymore.

“What – Joel – what the fuck?”

“You are working yourself raw, Kovic. When was the last time you ate something?” Joel asked, and Adam’s hesitation told him everything.

“I thought so. Come on, up and at ‘em, we’re getting dinner.”

“Dinner?”

Joel rolled his eyes, “Yes, dinner, it’s six o’clock. Now let’s go. Grab your keys, save your shit, we’re not coming back to the office tonight.”

Joel dragged him (and Bruce, who had also been working late) to get some Mexican and drink a beer or two, and at 8:23 PM, Joel and Bruce watched Adam get in his car and drive towards his apartment.

As soon as he was out of sight, Adam turned around and went back to the office. The elevator from the parking garage to the main building was Too Quiet and Too Long, and Adam nearly ripped the doors open himself when it stopped, sprinting up two flights of stairs and most certainly creating a doorknob-shaped hole in his wall from how hard he flung his office door open.

Adam grabbed the key from where it lay in the fake-dirt and tried three times with shaking fingers before finally getting it into the lock and sliding the drawer open.

He pulled his phone out, turned it on, and –

**_No new messages._ **

**_Adam:_ ** _I’m so sorry, baby, I love you and I can’t believe I did that  
_ **[Sent: 8:40:27 PM, 08/13]**

Adam sent the text and let his phone thud softly onto the carpet. It had been a week and James still wasn’t answering.

“James, please.” Adam whispered, but no one heard.

* * *

The next night, Adam got so drunk he couldn’t remember his own name.

He could, however, remember James. James’ eyes, his smile, his voice, his citrus-honey smell, his  _light_ ,  _his heat –_

Squinting at his phone screen, he tried to punch in James’ contact info with one hand while he downed another beer with the other. The phone, to Adam’s utter joy, answered after the third ring.

_“Hello?”_

“James? James, babe, you answered?” Adam slurred, nearly incoherent.

_“No, Adam, this isn’t James, this is Lawrence. Where are you?”_

“No, Larr, give – James the phone. I need – to – to –“

_“James isn’t with me right now, Adam, but I need to know where you are. Are you home?”_

“What? If you – can call this a home, anymore, then – then yeah. Larr, I’m gonna – gonna call James now.”

Adam hung up – well, he didn’t so much hang up as lock his phone and throw it to the other end of the couch.

“Fine, then, James, don’t – don’t answer me! See what I care! I don’t…I don’t care.”

If Adam woke up a few hours later only slightly more sober and with half a beer spilled all over him, it was his secret to tell.

And maybe, maybe at 1:30 that morning he called James again, babbling into the phone about how sorry he was and his honey lips and sky-star eyes and how he just wanted to talk to James, even if it was his voicemail, no one was going to know.

* * *

The sun was what woke Adam up, hours later, splayed on the floor with his limbs at odd angles and his phone flashing.

_Flashing? But that means…_

**_1 New Message_ **

Adam’s heart skipped a beat and he hit the voicemail button as fast as he could, not even bothering to see who it was from, and –

_“Hey, Adam, it’s Lawrence. Just wanted to make sure you were alright. You called me pretty drunk last night. Let me know when you get this.”_

“Mother _FUCKER!_ ” Adam roared, and chucked his phone with all his might. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), he sent it flying directly into an armchair and it bounced harmlessly onto the cushions.

* * *

Adam took a long shower and some aspirin for his raging hangover before picking up his phone again.

**_No New Messages_ **

“Yeah, yeah, asshole, I know.”

**_Adam:_ ** _Got your message. I’m fine, besides the hangover. Sorry for calling.  
_ **[Sent: 11:24:05 AM, 08/15]**

**_Lawrence:_ ** _No problem. Glad you’re okay now, but you sounded pretty distraught last night. Do you want to talk about it?_ **  
[Received: 11:25:15 AM, 08/15]**

**_Adam:_ ** _Not now. I’ll let you know if I do.  
_ **[Sent: 11:26:00 AM, 08/15]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

“James, listen, I’m sorry I called you last night, I don’t remember what I said exactly because I was drunk but – I would really like to talk to you. Please. I miss you.”

* * *

**_Adam:_ ** _Please answer me, I really want to talk to you. Work this out.  
_ **[Sent: 10:30:30 PM, 08/15]**

**_Adam:_ ** _Even if you don’t want to get back together, I don’t want to end us like this  
_ **[Sent: 12:45:46 AM, 08/16]**

* * *

After a couple hours of fitful sleep on the couch, Adam decided that he might as well clean – getting drunk, apparently, was no longer an option unless he wanted to make even more of an ass of himself.

So Adam got out all of the cleaning supplies, pulled on some latex gloves, and got to work.

It was nearly 6 AM by the time he finished scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom, at 7:30 the laundry was done, 9 AM the living room was spotless, the bathroom was done at 10:15, and after a quick snack break, Adam began to tackle the bedroom.

The bedroom, mind you, had not been touched since the night James left. The clothes that Adam hadn’t worn over the past week-and-a-bit were still strewn over the floor, and Adam had taken to wearing only the clothes that had been in the laundry so he didn’t have to step inside. It was silly, if Adam thought about it – he wasn’t  _scared_  to enter the room, to disturb the mess James had made…was he?

Adam took a deep breath and opened the door. He purposely averted his eyes to the floor, picking up his clothes as he made his way to the closet. He diligently hung up the things that needed to be hung up, folded and put away the things that belonged in drawers, and organized everything so it was orderly again (Adam resolutely ignored the fact that he left a space for James’ hanging clothes, didn’t touch James’ drawers, kept his shoes on his side of the shoe rack). Adam vacuumed, he dusted every surface, even washed and changed the sheets.

Staring down at the newly-made bed, Adam’s hand subconsciously twitched towards his pocket. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, not even surprised when it read

**_No New Messages_ **

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 11:57:45 AM, 08/16]**

Adam tucked his phone away in his nightstand, adjusted a framed picture of him and James at the beach – James beaming with sparkling eyes, Adam bundled up and scowling extra hard for the camera – and left the room.

* * *

It was another three days before James was brought up again.

Now, Adam still thought about him – constantly, in fact – but with his phone in his nightstand and everyone treating him with kid gloves, it was really a taboo topic.

What Adam didn’t know was all the work the others were doing, trying to talk to James, trying to make Adam, well, Adam again. The resting bitchface was still more than just skin-deep, they all knew it. Adam wore his heart on his sleeve, and if Joel and Lawrence weren’t spending nearly every night up late trying to concoct a plan to get Adam and James in a room together – even if it was just to give Adam closure – Adam didn’t need to know that, at least, not yet.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really. Matt came in late to work, which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the meeting they were about to be late to.

“Where were you, Peake?” Bruce asked as the four of them rushed up the stairs to the conference rooms.

“I texted Adam – there was an accident near my house. Traffic was terrible.” Matt responded, looking over his shoulder at Adam with an eyebrow raised.

Adam stopped dead on the stairs, “I, uh, left my phone at my house. Been uh – trying not to look at it.”

Matt, Bruce, and Joel exchanged concerned looks.

The silence was heavy and hung onto all of them like a cinderblock wall until Joel broke it: “We’re definitely late. Let’s go.”

* * *

That night, Adam pulled his phone out of his nightstand and plugged it in. The screen flashed:

**_1 New Message_ **

**_Matt:_ ** _Accident on the way to work. Will be late. Let others know? Thanks.  
_ **[Received: 8:43:02 AM, 08/19]**

After staring at the screen for Too Long, Adam scrubbed a hand over his face and typed out a message.

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 8:36:00 PM, 08/19]**

**_Adam:_ ** _I understand you’re upset  
_ **[Sent: 8:36:05 PM, 08/19]**

“An open-ended statement always gets James rolling.” Adam told himself, turning his volume on and setting his phone on the counter to charge. He fell into a fitful sleep imagining James’ hand in his hair, quips being breathed into his skin, stars in his teeth and sky in his eyes.

* * *

**_No New Messages_ **

It stung, and Adam thought that maybe he didn’t know James as well as he thought he did (he does, but he doesn’t know that James just  _hasn’t been looking at his phone_ ), but he tried to hide his disappointment as he pocketed his phone the next morning and pushed on.

During a meeting that afternoon, one of their superiors asked if Adam was feeling alright, that he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Adam just fake-coughed and nodded, saying he felt a little under the weather, and pointedly did not respond with how much he was sleeping – the executive wasn’t that far off, Adam really  _hadn’t_ slept more than a couple hours a night in weeks.

* * *

He was tossing and turning on the couch the following night, falling in and out of a lucid dream where James was there, telling him that he could’ve done so much better and that he let James slip through his fingers, when he couldn’t take it anymore and picked up his phone.

He squinted at the screen, holding it half in his peripheral because the screen was entirely Too Bright, and sent his text:

**_Adam:_ ** _I can’t sleep without you  
_ **[Sent: 3:22:07 AM, 08/22]**

On Saturday, he put the phone in the kitchen cabinet and got drunk again. This time, however, he took the precaution of not getting drunk  _alone_. No, he asked Sean if he wanted to play Smite together. Sean readily agreed, and thusly they drank together in the comfort of their own homes. However, once Sean went to bed and Adam couldn’t sleep (again), the phone was taken from its resting place and turned on.

**_No New Messages_ **

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 11:55:41 PM, 08/22]**

**_Adam:_ ** _James I’m so sorry I need you baby please  
_ **[Sent: 12:01:01 AM, 08/23]**

**_Adam:_ ** _If you don’t want to talk to me yet, fine  
_ **[Sent: 8:33:34 AM, 08/23]**

* * *

Adam reverted back into workaholic mode after that night, throwing himself passionately into a new project.

“You seem enthusiastic about this.” Bruce remarked on Monday after he had spent most of lunch telling him all about it.

“Yeah, well, if James doesn’t want to answer me, doesn’t want to talk to me, I might as well put my energy into something else, yanno?” Adam responded with a shrug.

He took that opportunity to look down and pick up his sandwich, missing the flinch and corresponding worried look that flashed across Bruce’s face at Adam’s words.

Bruce, subsequently, missed Adam’s grimace as he pulled out his phone to text the others this new update on Adam’s mood.

* * *

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 10:41:00 PM, 08/25]**

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 11:22:21 PM, 08/26]**

**_Adam:_ ** _James  
_ **[Sent: 9:12:11 PM, 08/27]**

**_Adam:_ ** _James please, it’s been three weeks  
_ **[Sent: 10:27:23 PM, 08/28]**

* * *

On Saturday, Joel and Lawrence took Adam out to dinner. When Adam asked why, the two men gave him twin one-shoulder shrugs and dragged him into the restaurant. The night was nice, and Adam found himself laughing more than he had in weeks, and he genuinely smiled a couple times, too. It helped that Joel and Lawrence’s strong personalities clashed in the most hilarious ways. But James, his laugh, his jokes, his opinions, his voice echoing in the back of Adam’s mind.

They got all the way through the meal and were waiting for the check when, in a lull of conversation, Adam finally got the courage to ask,

“James is okay, right?”

Lawrence and Joel gave each other a wide-eyed look. Adam watched the two, confused at their reaction.

“Well,” Lawrence cleared his throat and pushed up his glasses, “I’m sure he’s okay. And if he’s not, he will be.”

Adam’s brows furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean, you’re sure? You haven’t talked to him?”

“I mean, I texted him, but I haven’t – Larr, I thought you called him?” Joel said, voice pitching slightly higher.

“I said I called him, I never said he answered.” Lawrence responded.

“Wait, so no one has heard from James? At all?” Adam growled, fingers digging into the tabletop so hard his knuckles were turning white.

“I’m sure Bruce has. James has always been closer to Bruce than to us.” Joel reassured Adam, patting his hand.

Lawrence pulled out his phone, “Here, I’ll call Bruce and we can settle this now.”

_“Hello?”_

“Hey, Bruce, you’ve talked to James, right?”

_“Uh, I’ve tried to talk to him, but he hasn’t answered me. Why?”_

“Has – has  _anyone_ heard from or seen James since…you know?”

_“Fuck, Lawrence, I don’t think so. Where the hell could he be? Christ. I’ll try to contact his boss, you call the gym.”_

“Motherfucker – alright, I’m on it.”

Adam looked up from his hands, “No one’s heard from him, have they?”

“No,” Lawrence said, shaking his head, “No, but we’re gonna fucking find him.”

* * *

**_Bruce:_ ** _James where are you? Are you alright?  
_ **[Sent: 7:55:05 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Bruce:_ ** _Fuck, answer your phone  
_ **[Sent: 7:59:56 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Sean:_ ** _James we’re worried. :( We know it’s been difficult, these past few weeks, but it’s been almost a month now. We thought you would’ve talked to one of us now.  
_ **[Sent: 8:15:17 PM, 08/29]**

**_Joel:_ ** _Please, you have to call one of us, James, we can help you. Please.  
_ **[Sent: 8:42:19 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable - leave a message!’_

**_Sean:_ ** _Please call one of us :((((((((((  
_ **[Sent: 8:50:00 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Lawrence:_ ** _James, you need to call someone.  
_ **[Sent: 9:22:07 PM, 08/29]**

**_Lawrence:_ ** _I called your gym. They haven’t seen you.  
_ **[Sent: 9:35:22 PM, 08/29]**

**_Lawrence:_ ** _Answer someone, dammit!  
_ **[Sent: 9:35:45 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Matt:_ ** _James, I understand you’re upset, but not talking to anyone is just going to make it worse and worse. If you’re not talking to any of us, at least tell us you’ve been in contact with someone. Please.  
_ **[Sent: 9:57:18 PM, 08/29]**

**_Bruce:_ ** _You haven’t gone to work?? James, please, where the hell are you.  
_ **[Sent: 10:20:33 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Bruce:_ ** _Did you go back to NC? Are you with your cousin? Your brother?  
_ **[Sent: 10:45:21 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Bruce:_ ** _James, dammit, please  
_ **[Sent: 11:30:24 PM, 08/29]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

**_Adam:_ ** _James just text someone, okay? You’ve dropped off the grid, everyone’s worried. I’m worried.  
_ **[Sent: 12:12:12 AM, 08/30]**

_‘Hi, you’ve reached James’ phone. I’m currently unavailable – leave a message!’_

* * *

Work on Monday was brutal, but they had to do it. Every break they got they were checking social media, trying James’ phone, trying to find contact information for James’ family, something, anything – Matt even started secretly calling nearby hospitals to see if he had gotten in an accident – or worse. By the time 6 PM rolled around, Adam couldn’t even touch his phone without nearly crying. He was convinced that James was dead and nothing any of the others said could change his mind.

On Tuesday, Bruce told Adam and Joel to ‘work from home’ – AKA Adam curled up onto his couch while Joel sat and did work on his laptop in Adam’s armchair, keeping an eye on Adam. That night, with Adam barely eating anything and Joel being woken up every time Adam started tossing on the squeaky couch next to him, he realized just how little Adam had actually been taking care of himself. Sure, the bags under Adam’s eyes looked like bruises and his beard and hair were unkempt and his general demeanor was ragged but Joel couldn’t help but text Lawrence about it and wonder what would have happened if they hadn’t been taking Adam out to lunch every day since the Break-Up.

On Wednesday, Matt had ran out of hospitals and started calling funeral homes and morgues. Sean quickly became nearly as distraught as Adam and resorted to sending James a frowny-face emoji every hour on the hour, on the off chance that annoyance might work out in their favor. No one had the heart to tell him that if their calls were going straight to voicemail, that probably means the phone is off or on some sort of do not disturb.

On Thursday, Bruce finally got ahold of James’ parents, who had no idea that James and Adam had broken up, let alone that James had been missing. James’ dad almost booked them two tickets to LA before Bruce talked them down, saying that them being here wouldn’t help because they don’t know the city and to just keep a look out to see if he shows up at their house.

On Friday, Joel had to stop Adam from snapping his phone in half after the two of them called James twenty-seven times without a response. Everyone brought overnight bags and camped out on the floor of Adam’s living room, their phones lined up neatly on the coffee table, volume turned all the way up.

On Saturday, Sean and Matt coerced Adam into taking a shower that  _wasn’t_ just spacing out under the water for ten minutes. While he was in the shower, Sean’s laptop playing a playlist of obnoxiously happy music very loudly on the bathroom counter, Bruce tried calling James from the kitchen.

The phone rang. And rang. And rang. And then -

_“Heyyyyy.”_

“Hello?”

_“Bruce? Hi Bruce.”_

“Holy shit,” Bruce pulled the phone away from his ear, “Guys, its James!”

“What? Holy shit!”   
“Oh thank god.”   
“Is he alright?”  
“I’ll get Adam”

_“Bruce. Who’s shouting?”_ James asked, and Bruce wheezed.

“The guys, James, we’ve been worried sick. Where are you?”

_“Sorry. I – haven’t been using my phone. It’s uh – been under the couch. I threw it.”_

“That’s fine, James, where  _are_  you?”

_“My apartment. But – But, Brucie, I’m not gonna talk to you unless we’re drinking. So…so come drink with me.”_ The more James spoke, the more Bruce heard the slur in his voice.

“You – you still have your apartment?”

_“Yeah, for when my – it was for when my parents come to visit, eventually, but.”_

“James, I’ll be there in an hour, okay? I have to take the subway.”

_“Yeah, yeah. Actually, don’t bring – don’t bring beer. We’ll go out. I like going out. Been doing a lot of that.”_

“Alright, James, I’ll see you in a bit, buddy.” Bruce hung up the phone and turned to look at the living room, where the other five men were all standing, waiting, Kovic in his towel and still sopping wet.

“He’s at his apartment. Kovic, did you know he kept it?”

Adam just shook his head, and it was then that Bruce saw his glassy eyes, the tears streaming down his cheeks, how he was leaning heavily against Matt.

“Well, I’m going there in an hour. He sounded drunk on the phone. I’m gonna talk to him, alright? Joel, call James’ parents and tell him we found him safe and sound.” Bruce said with authority, before marching to the bathroom.

Adam was shaking too hard to walk by himself, so Matt escorted him to the couch, where he flopped down into his Adam-shaped dent and began to sob. Sean quickly grabbed a towel from the closet and gently started drying off his hair and torso while Matt held his hand.

“He’s okay, Adam. Bruce will talk to him, and then we’ll sort all this out.” Sean assured him as he wiped at the back of his neck, Matt nodding sagely on his other side.

“I – phone.” Adam choked out between sobs, and someone –  _Lawrence_ – was pressing his phone into his hand. Sean handed him the towel and Adam scrubbed his tears away almost violently before squinting at the phone between his shaking hands.

**_No New Messages_ **

Adam wasn’t surprised, per say, that James hadn’t contacted him. But now that he knew James had his phone, maybe –

He took a few deep breaths, Sean and Matt’s hands warm on his back and shoulder, respectively, and typed out a message.

**_Adam:_ ** _Bruce told me you answered him finally  
_ **[Sent: 12:17:05 PM, 09/05]**

**_Adam:_ ** _I cried. I thought something terrible may have happened.  
_ **[Sent: 12:17:45 PM, 09/05]**

**_Adam:_ ** _I still would like to talk, to apologize properly, to try to fix this  
_ **[Sent: 12:18:33 PM, 09/05]**

* * *

Bruce didn’t come back until after two that night. And when he did, he shook his head.

“He won’t talk about it. He’s – he looks terrible. Like he hasn’t done anything but drink and…”

“And what?” Adam asked, standing.

Bruce looked at Adam, and even in the semi-dark room at the late hour, Adam could clearly see the pity and guilt in Bruce’s gaze, “Drink and casually fuck. Adam, I’m sorry, I –“

But Adam didn’t hear the rest. He stalked into his bedroom and shut the door, sinking to the floor up against it as tears, once again, pricked at his eyes. This time, though, they refused to fall, and Adam resorted to staring glassy-eyed at the outline of _their_ bed, imagining  _them_  laying on it, just like always, and listen to the muffled argument going on in the other room.

**_Adam:_ ** _I know I fucked up but James, please, I need you, I love you._   
**[Sent: 2:36:03 AM, 09/06]  
**

Adam woke up to sunlight in his face, streaming gently from the curtains. Sometime in the night he had curled onto his side on the floor. His bone’s felt like lead as he pushed himself up, cracking the door open and shuffling into the main room. As he blinked sleep from his eyes in the doorway, he realized that everyone was stock-still and staring at him.

“Wha – what time is it?”

“After one, Adam, why don’t you take a seat, get some food in you, yeah?” Joel said, reaching for him, ushering him into a chair and then Matt was there, pushing a bowl into his hands. The room remained eerily silent, everyone watching Adam eat with hawk-like eyes.

“What are you arguing about?” Adam finally asked, mouth full of oatmeal.

“What to do next.” Bruce said, and Lawrence immediately rounded on him.

“Oh, no, don’t fucking say that! We  _know_ what to do next. I  _told_ you what to do next! One of us goes to James’ apartment, gets him to look at his fucking messages, really  _look_ at them, and then he’ll call Adam! It’s simple! It’s easy! The problem will be solved!”

“James is hurting –“

“Yeah, hurting  _himself_! He’s drinking away his pain! And you know who else is hurting? Fucking Adam! Your good friend and coworker who’s house you’re currently standing in, trying to tell him that we know where James is, that he was willing to  _talk_ to you, but you’re going to  _step back_ and give him  _space?_ ” Joel raged, jumping up from his chair to stand next to Lawrence.

Bruce threw his hands in the air, “This isn’t going to fix itself overnight!”

“No, it won’t but you know what would help? James  _having someone with him_! Adam’s had all five of us. James has had  _no one._ ” Lawrence seethed.

“Because he wouldn’t talk to us!”

“ _He just talked to you last night!”_  Joel screeched, getting into Bruce’s face, and suddenly Adam wasn’t seeing Bruce and Joel and Lawrence – it was him and James, Adam getting into James’ face, James yelling back.

“ _ENOUGH_!” Adam yelled as loud as he could, and everyone immediately turned to him.

“Fighting – fighting solves  _nothing._  James needs someone, even…even if that’s not me anymore. I don’t care who goes, but someone needs to. And today. We have to check on him if he’s been drinking.” Adam stared hard at everyone, begging, wanting,  _daring_  for any of them to argue with him.

“He wouldn’t open up to me last night. And that was while he was super drunk. I don’t know if he’d talk to me.” Bruce admitted.

“Alright, that settles it, then. Lawrence, go later today. Give James some time more time to sleep off his hangover.” Matt said, the others nodding in agreement.

When Lawrence left a few hours later, on his way to James’ apartment, Adam pulled out his phone again.

**_No New Messages_ **

**_Adam:_ ** _Give me a call when you’re ready to talk  
_ **[Sent: 5:32:02 PM, 09/06]**

**_Adam:_ ** _I miss you so much.  
_ **[Sent: 5:32:30 PM, 09/06]**

Adam sent the messages, silently hoping that Lawrence’s plan will work, that James will look at his phone and know that Adam still loves him, that he misses him, wants him and his stupid blue eyes and big smile and odd particularity regarding t-shirts and his laugh and his mouth and –

But Adam would have to wait.

“I’ll wait forever, if he wants me to.” Adam said to the room, and although everyone heard him, no one answered.

They sat in tense silence for the better part of an hour and then –

_Brrrinnngggg!_

Adam was pretty sure he’d never answered the phone faster in his life.

“Hello? James? Is that you?”

There was a beat of static-silence, and then,  _“I’m drunk”_  And that was James’ voice, albeit slurred, and James had  _called_ him and was  _talking_ to him and Adam was up and out of his seat before his conscious mind processed that he was moving, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his car keys.

“Okay, baby, that’s okay, can you tell me where you are?” Adam asked, voice cracking, and even though he knew Lawrence was at James’ old apartment, he wanted James to say it, wanted to be  _sure_  that James wanted him, wasn’t just calling because Lawrence forced him to or something.

_“I’m drunk and I want to come home.”_  Adam let out a wet laugh, a  _relieved_ laugh.

“Okay, baby, sit tight, I’m coming.” Adam said into the phone as he took the stairs two at a time.

He may or may not have broken seven traffic laws on his way to James’ apartment, but when he parked haphazardly and shot past Lawrence and up the stairs and nearly James’ door off its hinges, getting to James seemed infinitely more important.

And there he was, standing, looking a little lost, in the middle of the nearly-empty apartment that James must have been keeping for a reason and Adam got stuck on that thought for a second before reminding himself it could  _wait_  because James looked  _horrible_  – bruised and thin and unkempt but Adam undoubtedly looked just as bad. He didn’t waste a second before he took two big steps towards James and pulled him into his arms. He cradled James like an angel – soft but firm, determined to never let go – and kissed him, hard, ignoring James’ half-grown-in beard, tasting honey and beer and tears. And all Adam could smell was citrus and alcohol but damn if it didn’t smell like home.

And when they finally parted, Adam looked into the sky in James’ eyes and watched it brighten as he gently wiped James’ tears away.

“James, I’m so, so, sor –“

“I know. So am I. I just –“

“I know.”

They kissed again, and an ache in Adam’s chest that he didn’t know he had melted away.

“My love, my stars, my sky, please, will you forgive me?” Adam asked, breath caught in his throat.

James laughed, and it was music to Adam’s ears, “Yes, yes, I love you with all my heart, Adam, you’re the sun in my sky.”

Adam’s lips curled into a smile and he gently bumped James’ nose with his own.

“Then let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Crossposted from tumblr)  
> merpwrites.tumblr.com


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